


Distraught

by DesiresCry (orphan_account)



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Break Up, Cheating, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Heavy Angst, M/M, Multi, Regret, Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, but then they get super long, lol im sorry for this, once the plot comes out, short chapters at first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-01-27 03:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12572932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/DesiresCry
Summary: **I am no longer writing DMMd. This story will no longer be updated and thus marked as completed. Please do not ask me to update."You can't give up now. You've made it so far."====Aoba is left stranded and hopeless after the love of his life is suddenly gone after 3 years.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **I am no longer writing DMMd. This story will no longer be updated and thus marked as completed. Please do not ask me to update.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I am no longer writing DMMd. This story will no longer be updated and thus marked as completed. Please do not ask me to update.

Soft, hazel eyes peered through the small yet thick flicker of red and orange. He could almost feel the flames licking against his skin, and he almost wished he would catch on fire and burn to death. Though, that would be quite the painful death, now wouldn't it be?

Wouldn't it..?

He wasn't sure anymore. He didn't really care at this point in his life. Burning was one way to die, and if it 100% guarenteed death, then he was all for it.

Smoke drifted into his nostrils, as well as into his slightly parted mouth. The fumes seemed to suffocate his lungs, and he spat out a hoarse cough.

He wondered what  _he_ would think of his ideas. Sure, he'd been suicidal for quite some time now. Sure, he had scars all over his body that he knew would never leave him. Sure, he still kept all the beads and feathers  _he_ had given him.

Oh. Where did that thought come from?

He let out a bitter laugh as he thought of what _he_ might've said.

 

_"You're thinking too much, Aoba. Let's talk a walk."_

 

That's what he would've said. ..Right? Aoba found himself lost within the radiant, glowing colors of the small flame. He didn't know the difference between right and wrong anymore. Where had the line between the two faded to? More importantly, when? Was it _then_ , or had it happened later on?

Aoba winced at the sharp pain in both his chest and forehead. He was suddenly aware of the darkness swarming around him, enclosing him in like a caged animal. The only source of light being the small, nearly burnt-out candle.

He let out another bitter, hateful laugh. He couldn't help but compare the scenery to his current situation. The darkness- his depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, all of his countless problems which kept building up til he was completely drowning in him. The light- _him_.

Or, so he was. Aoba realized this when the candle finally burnt out, leaving Aoba to fight his way through the darkness on his own.

_Alone._

_Forgotten._

_You lied._

_You said you loved me._

_I gave you everything._

_I was wrong._

_...Right?_

_Wasn't I right?_

_...About being wrong?_

_No._

_Yes?_

_I don't know._

_All I'm sure of is that I've been replaced. And you will never want me back. You will never get me back._

_But, I want you back._

_Don't I?_

 

_.....Don't I?_


	2. Chapter 2

The rain got harder as Aoba walked alone in tears.

He didn't even realize he was crying, as his tears quickly became one with the bitterly pouring rain that drenched him from head to toe. It had been nearly 2h when Aoba decided to simply up and leave, having come to the conclusion it would not matter whether or not he was there or not.

Where was "there"? Aoba didn't know what that word meant to him within the context he had recently thought of. Did it mean home? Aoba had only considered two places his home. One was his actual home of which he typically resided in with Tae, and the other was _his_. But that second one was no longer a potential home option, and Aoba didn't think Tae even wanted him at the first home. 

Did the word, in that context, mean life? Nobody would miss him if he were gone, or if he had never been there in the first place. Aoba wasn't very sure if some, maybe all, of his friends even cared or would notice his absence.

Aoba decided that "there" most likely meant life, and that his life was quickly closing in on him.

=

"There's some things better left unsaid, Aoba."

"But why can't you give me a reason? I can fix myself for you. Is it because of my scars? I can use more concealer.. Do you want to have sex more often? That's fine, I just want you to be happy. Mi-"

 _He_ cut him off right there, a harsh glare piercing through Aoba's heart.

"It's not any of those. You know damn well why, you little piece of shit."

_You little piece of shit._

_Little piece of shit._

_Piece of shit._

_Shit._

"I love you and I genuinely have no idea why you want to break up with me," Aoba sputtered out, a rise of anxiety escaping through his voice. "I'd do anything for you, you know. That's why I want to make this work. That's why-"

"I don't want to break up with you."

That sparked a little burst of hope within Aoba, a smile ready to trickle onto his lips.

"Really?"

"I am breaking up with you. There's no question to it."

Aoba wanted to say more. He wanted to scream, to cry, to beg for _him_ to give him even just one reason why. But there was no hesitance in _his_ voice, and _he_ made it very clear to Aoba that there was nothing more to the conversation. It was over, they were over, anything they had to do with eachother was over. 3 whole years were taken away from Aoba in a mere second, and he felt as if there was nothing to ever refill that gap. He felt as if they were at stage one again-- when _he_ seemed to detest Aoba, and Aoba would just disregard _his_ hatred and wished to know more about _him_ as a person.

 _He_ walked away. Aoba stood there, staring at the large back of _him_ , at the long, brown hair that faded to a beautiful dark red, accompanied by beautiful feathers and braids. Aoba's own hair was similar, with a few braids here and there and feathers displayed neatly within it. _He_ had always said it made him look like more than the most beautiful person in the world.

He no longer believed that.

=

The memory replayed in Aoba's head over and over again. It was the only thing he could think of during this walk, the only words that were audible against the pounding rain. 

Eventually, Aoba ended up at his destination that he didnt even realize he had been traveling to.

A river, now overflowing with the amount of rain added into it.

Aoba smiled to himself, and stood at the edge. A bit of dirt crumbled beneath his feet, and he allowed his eyes to close and his body to fall forward without any hesitation.

The world faded into a deep, suffocating black even before he hit the water. He did not feel or remember anything after this.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh, christ.." Aoba mumbled, struggling to pull himself out of the roaring current. He gritted his teeth so hard he wouldn't be suprised if they cracked. Tugging his leg up, he managed to pull it over the side and dig his heel into the moist dirt beside him. Aoba's hands were slippery and dirty, but even with that slowing him down he refused to give up. 

"Ugh! What kind of fucking idiot is he?" Aoba yelled in frustration, his nails scratching desperately at the dirt to obtain more stabilization. 

With a large huff, he heaved himself out of the river and rolled onto the dirt tiredly. He rubbed his eyes with the hand which was mostly deprived of dirt, and staggered to his feet slowly. Aoba's gaze flickered around, noticing how dark it still was outside, meaning it probably wasn't much past 2h.

Aoba's memory of the path he took to this river was foggy, but he believed part of that was because he had nearly drowned only a few minutes ago. 

"Damn, I'd murder him if we were two seperate people."

Aoba's legs could barely carry him on the path back home, his soaked and dripping wet clothes weighing him down. He grabbed a large bunch of his hair and twisted it, trying to squeeze as much water out as he could since the rain had lessened. Finally arriving back into the city, Aoba made sure to steer clear of any of the thugs and drug dealers out this late. 'The other Aoba is too reckless. What the hell was he thinking?'

He pulled out his phone, surprised it was still working and that he hadn't lost it in the river, and noted the time. 2:48h.

"He really must have wanted nobody to find him, huh?" Aoba could almost feel a bout of pity for the dominant personality, but shook the thought away. He stopped in a local park to rest, heaving himself onto a bench and running his slender fingers through his hair. A couple of leaves and branches fell out, and Aoba knew he looked like absolute shit, but couldn't give two fucks about it right now. He needed to get home.

Could he really go home? Tae would be worried sick, but at the same time, she'd be ready to yell at him for his stupidity before he even stepped foot inside the house. He couldn't go to _his_ house, not anymore. So, where could he go?

A lightbulb lit up in Aoba's brain, and without even thinking, he began running towards the one place he could call a home and truly mean it. The one place where the person living there understood, accepted, and really _knew_ him. It was only 5 minutes away from here. 

'Don't pass out, don't pass out. Just make it there and explain before-'

Aoba's eyelids began to droop and his knees almost buckled beneath him. 3 more minutes. He could do this. 

He slapped himself hard, the sharp, stinging sensation waking him up, even in just the tiniest way. 2 more minutes.

2 more.. 1..

Heavy arms reached towards the front door, jabbing the doorbell with as much force as he could muster. Again and again he rang it, until that lovely, familiar face tiredly peered out the door.

"What the he- Aoba?" Crimson eyes stared at Aoba in confusion, worry, and everything in between. "What's going on?"

"Kou..Jak.. Help him!" Aoba yelled out, yet it seemed more like a whisper at the same time. Perhaps the reason he suddenly collapsed as soon as the words left his mouth was because of how much panic and anxiety had stirred up within him on his way to Koujaku's home. Perhaps it was due to the lack of sleep (which was completely Aoba's fault, and he was not very happy to be dragged into Aoba's suffering), but either way, he couldn't hold onto his consciousness for much longer. Maybe 30 seconds.

"Aoba... Aoba!" Large hands grabbed Aoba's shoulders, shaking him intensely but to no avail. "Shit..." Koujaku mumbled, gently scooping Aoba into his arms and rushing him inside. He was so confused, worried, and angry, he had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do. By now, Aoba's eyes were shut tightly, his breathing shallow.

Koujaku began by stripping Aoba (he felt so indecent for doing this, but it was neccessary), quickly grabbing a spare kimono he had tucked away in his closet and wrapping it around Aoba's cold and fragile figure.

"Aoba..." Koujaku whispered, his voice breaking. "What happened to you?..."


End file.
